Regina Brett is not 90, but she knows stuff!

On July 9th I received a viral e-mail. It was a good one, and I've let it sit in my queue waiting for an appropriate time to share. Before I post stuff, I usually check on its validity. This link provides an update on this urban legend.



The e-mail I got states that Regina Brett is a 90 something year old columnist for the Plain Dealer. This is all true, except for the age. Regina is in her early fifties. She wrote out this list of life's lessons when she was 45.

I thought her list was worth passing along. Here it is...

Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on
Cleveland, Ohio -- The Plain Dealer
Sunday May 28, 2006, 10:13 AM

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:



1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Sports: A strong work ethic

The fifth reason I like sports is that they teach the importance of a strong work ethic.



In order to be successful in sports you have to show up, ready to practice, and ready to play. You need to follow the coach's instructions, even if you don't understand them. You can't quit, even when you might feel like it. If you do these things, your chances of success improve, and so does your team's.

I'm not saying that sports are the only place to develop a strong work ethic, but the days of paper routes, mowing the neighbor's lawn, or even babysitting may be gone. Chores at home help. First "real" jobs help. But sports provide a very motivating place to learn to work hard with your team.



Recently I started exchanging e-mails with a friend I dated in high school. Her grandparents owned a burger place where she worked sometimes. Later, after she married, her husband and her, along with some business partners, opened a small restaurant. In discussing with her what she looked for in an employee, she stated, "I'd be happy if the just showed up for work every day."

This tell me that many employees lack a strong work ethic. My friend would have been happy if they had a work ethic, let alone a strong one. A strong work ethic is valuable in sports and in life.



Many of the habits that a coach is looking for and trying to instill, are the same habits employers are looking for. Show up on time, be ready to contribute, maintain good levels of effort, be willing to learn and improve, get along with others: be a team player.

Although it's possible to play sports and not develop develop these characteristics, you have to work at it. You have to ignore your coaches, your team captains, and most of the stand-out athletes on your team. It can be done. You see it on teams and later on the job: they are the slackers. They didn't learn. They didn't want to.

Just because sports attempt to teach something, doesn't mean everyone will learn it.

But other athletes go beyond a strong work ethic: they excel. They stay after practice. They research and study the game. They watch movies. They ask questions. They don't give up, even when others do. They find a way to perform at optimum levels. They better themselves. They do better than expected. Sports afford them a training ground for developing life skills that will launch them into atmospheres of achievement unknown to many. Sports help them to develop into better people. (Not better than others, but better versions themselves.)



These are just some of the reasons I still play sports. Sports don't just provide benefits to the young, they provide the benefits to the young-at-heart. How young are you?

Sports: Golden moments of peak performance

On my list of five reasons I love sports is #4: They provide a "flow" experience: they are completely engaging and challenging.



In studying psychology in college as I prepared for teaching special education, I was introduced to the concept of "flow." Wiki-pedia provides this overview: "Flow is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields."

Richard Bolles in his classic work on finding your life work (What Color is Your Parachute), talks about finding the activities where you lose yourself and time disappears. That's flow. The amount of "flow" time one experiences in a week seems to vary from country to country. In the US, it's less that two hours a week. Yikes!



However, if you know what you're looking for, things are easier to find. If you are looking for flow, you can find it. I consistently find flow in sports.

I love the "mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing." I love the "feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity." Time disappears, and so do cares.

During the early 90's my family life revolved around helping my wife with her anti-cancer dietary regimen (Gerson). This diet involved consuming about 5,000 calories a day of high quality foods mostly in the form of juices and soups. All during the day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, we made fresh juices almost on the hour. This didn't leave a lot of time for sports, but...



I bought a portable volleyball net. We live across the street from a small park. On a Saturday, we'd set the net up, and bring a timer. On the hour, we'd take a break, and one of us would go make a juice back at the house. 45 minutes out of the hour, we experienced flow: energized, full involvement. All the cares of life disappeared. We re-created.

If sports can provide flow in the most difficult of times, they can surely provide it under the normal stresses and strains of life.

But flow is more than full involvement. It is "full involvement and success in the process of the activity." Sports psychologists speak of something called "peak performance." In the course of a game, good plays happen. Some plays make the "highlight reel." Momentary success unfolds in a peak performance. Oh, how sweet. Sometimes it lasts the entire game, but more often, it's more fleeting. But by being involved in the activity, chances of these "glimmers of greatness" or "sparkles of athleticism" break out. That's when I know, I am an athlete. And I smile. (I may be on the floor on my back after having made a diving play, but I'm smiling.)



Sports is not the only place flow happens, but for me, it is a consistent occurrence. That's one of the reasons I stay involved as a participant.

Once in a great while, in the midst of an athletic contest, I'll find my mind wandering to some stress situation, usually work-related. I hate that. I resent that. I feel violated by the intrusion. When such a thought occurs, it's usually a sign that something is really, really bothering me, and I'd better do something about lessening the stress. Later, I will deal with the "tresspasser." But right then, I need to get my head back in the game.

Sports are not just engaging, they are challenging. Electronic games use increasingly difficult levels to maintain interest and challenge. Game developers understand flow, and they use it to create games that compel you to keep playing.



A good sports game provides a flow experience and some golden moments of peak performance. But it doesn't stop there. The sports game also provides fun exercise, a social fix, a window into your co-players character, and... the opportunity to develop a strong work ethic. All good reasons why I love playing sports.

Sports: A window to the soul

I'm writing about five reasons I like sports. Number three is: They provide a window into a player's character -- for better or worse.



Life is about associations, closeness, and levels of intimacy. I wrote yesterday about how sports can provide us with a social fix. In my opinion, doing sports activities with friends is one of life's great pleasures. It is one of the dividends paid for the time and effort required to get "good enough" for people to want to play with you.

About four years ago I started playing racquetball. I played tennis and handball in my youth, and racquetball is a good mix of both sets of skills. Plus, it's easier to find a racquetball partner than a tennis or handball partner. I had the good fortune to find a suitable partner that began via a conversation at church one Sunday.



Vicci is about five years younger than me, and she's an athlete. We played a few times and here's what I learned:

1) She plays fair.
2) She keeps her cool.
3) She plays hard.
4) She doesn't give up.
5) She has a good sense of humor.

Over time I also learned:

6) She shows up on time, or lets me know she's running late.
7) She appreciates having someone to play with who is like her.
8) She's interested in getting better, and she's willing to take sports advice.
9) She can lose and win graciously: she demonstrates good sportsmanship.
10) She's willing to commit to an on-going sports relationship, because she loves sports in general, and racquetball in particular.



It was always fun playing with Vicci. We started out playing an hour a week, but worked up to being able to play for two hours. Except for vacations, illnesses, and job demands, we played very regularly for three years. She was my racquetball partner until she moved out of state.

I uncovered the character of a splendid soul via the sport of racquetball. It didn't happen overnight, but it happened. Why? Because the artificial pressure cooker that is sports, provides a window into the character of another. In Vicci's case, it was a pleasant view.



It was rare that she got heated and smacked the ball into the wall. More often she turned the anger into more intense and focused effort. Mostly she got mad at herself for not living up to her own standard of play. And that was okay. She is human.

Sometimes she won, more of the time I did. When she would win some games, I would find some YouTube coaching to lift the level of my play. We challenged each other. We celebrated good rallies and laughed at self-inflicted misplays.

Vicci's been gone for a while, and I've been scouting out new potential partners. I need the exercise and social interaction sports provides, but I'm only going to do it over the long haul with someone who I enjoy playing with. Someone who consistently demonstrates that they are worthy of an on-going association and a personal closeness that is developed over time on the field of play. Someone who "plays well with others."



Some learn to play well with others in Kindergarten, and some never learn it. One way to find out fairly quickly is via friendly athletic competition.

That's the third reason I like sports. It's a great way to find great people who play well with others. That's the kind of person I want to play with, hang-out with, and form a relationship with. They've proven their character under pressure, even if the pressure is self-generated via sports.

Real life generates it's own pressure tests. Most of the time, it's not as intense as what is experienced on the playing field, but often those tests are easier to "pass" if a person has learned to gracefully navigate the challenges of friendly athletic competition. Some times the real life tests are more intense, and that's when we each discover what we're made of -- for better or worse.

Sports: Providing a social "fix"

I've been thinking of why I like to play sports. My #2 reason was: They provide a social "fix."

I'm addicted to other people. I like them. I need them. Solomon said, "Two are better than one..." I agree, and I like an addict, I need a regular "fix" -- a social fix.



Some sports only take a pair of players, others require teams. Friendly competition and cooperation enhances the enjoyment. Sports give you something to do with other people. Something fun.

I don't like being alone for long periods of time. I spent 1/2 day alone once... in the early 70's... in a redwood forest. Then I hiked back to camp to my travel partner. Then we got bored, so we drove to town.



I like being around people, but I don't like sitting around for hours on end. I'll sit around and "visit" a while, but then... really? Can't we do something? Play something? Do some sports? (I might even help you do some chores. Let's just move!)

Playing sports with friends means that along with the exercise you get some laughs. You share some stories. You find out what makes the other person tick. You also find out how they handle pressure, and winning, and losing. You find out if they are honest. You interact socially.

Did I mention I like that aspect of sports?



Today I played racquetball with my nephew and his brother-in-law. They are in their late 20's or early 30's. (I'm in my 50's.) We had a blast. It was our second time playing. We played for two hours. They're fast. They hustle. We all learned to communicate better, play smarter, and we all had fun.

Just remembering some of the action eight hours later brings a smile to my face. We played hard: we sweated buckets. And we're already trying to figure out when we can do it again. Why?



Because sports rock! I have to say that some of my fondest memories in life involve good times, with good friends (and family), playing sports. It can be magical... and addictive.

Sports: Exercise disguised as fun!

I recently wrote down five reasons I like sports. #1 was... They make exercise fun.

Maybe I like sports because I've learned to make them fun. Maybe that's why I enjoy my job, my family, and even my life. I make them fun too!



Most everyone would agree that exercise is good for you. People were made to move. Being fit: having vitality, functional strength, balance, and flexibility. These are good things. But exercise?

I'd rather do something else. I rather have fun. I'd rather do sports that make me exercise. I grew up playing ping pong, Frisbee, croquette, "pickle," over-the-line, kite flying, marbles, hop-scotch, four-square, dodge-ball, jump-rope, skating, kick ball, and I'm sure a few more. Some of these provide more sweat than others, but they are all fun.



Some people jog, or go to the gym, or just exercise. I can't do it for the long-haul. Exercise is important, so why not disguise it in a game? A sport?

Because then... exercise becomes so much more! It becomes reasons 2, 3, and 4. (Plus 5 and beyond.) But those are posts for another day.



(The city replaced the sewer in front of my house. Now they are going to repave the street. I took some pictures!)

You blew it!

I like sports. I like them for several reasons...

1) They make exercise fun.
2) They provide a social "fix."
3) They provide a window into a player's character: for better or worse.
4) They provide a "flow" experience: they are completely engaging and challenging.
5) They teach the importance of a strong work ethic.

There are other reasons I like sports, but those are the five that come quickly to mind.



I don't watch a lot of sports. I like to play sports. (I like games too, mostly cards, but playing sports floats my boat.)

I don't play organized sports, but my kids did, and I supported their efforts. All three competed all the way to the collegiate level. I participated in some organized sports as a kid, but mostly I played the sand-lot variety with the neighborhood kids. I did tennis, basketball, and track in school, but it was the after school pick-up games of football, handball, and baseball that I loved.

Along the way I also enjoyed playing ping pong, golf, swimming, volleyball, frisbee, body surfing, and bowling. I've was better in some of these sports than others, but these are the ones I enjoyed and played.

I've also tried surfing, skiing, and water skiing but never mastered them.



Notice the absence of organized team sports? Beyond my early years of high school, I abandoned organized sports for recreational sports with my friends. Organized sports seems to draw a more cut-throat, win-at-any-cost, destroy-the-opponent mentality that I avoid. I like to compete, but I like friendly competition. It's not any less intense, but it is safer.

When you play with someone who is not your friend, they may not take your personal safety into account. People get hurt playing sports. That's not fun.

I titled this post, "You blew it!" because my intention was to write about a recent sports related encounter when one of my playing partners "blew it." As I began to write this piece, I discovered a whole new "writing territory" to explore: sports.



Sometimes in the heat of athletic competition someone blows up. It's not supposed to happen. Sports is supposed to teach "grace under pressure." I can handle blow ups when they are self-directed: athletes get mad at themselves.

Sometimes my competitors get mad at me, and sometimes I deserve it. But they don't blow up. They say something, or play harder and a bit meaner, or they provide a telling gesture: perhaps something involving a single digit. I understand that. It happens when you're playing hard.

But an in-your-face, I-hate-you, you're-a-bad-person rant -- that's blowing it. Follow the rant with a I'm-packing-up-my-stuff-and-going-home-without-a-word scene, and now I'm afraid. All of a sudden, sports is no longer fun: at least, not with that person. And it's over.

With family, you probably get a do-over, maybe. I'm all about second chances. But with a casual playing partner: it's a show stopper.

What's the moral of this story? 3) Sports provide a window into a player's character: for better or worse.

When the view into a player's character reveals aspects that destroy the fun of the game, including my sense of safety, it's game over, for good, with them.

Too bad, but "You blew it."



Good thing I have other people to play with. ;-)