Visitors are on their way!

School is almost out. The final week looms with the break of day. What then?

Visitors! (Woo-hoo!) The grand-kids are coming! The grand-kids are coming! (And their parents: that's sweet too.) ;-)

So, I'm doing some fixing, cleaning, emptying drawers and closets in preparation for the Haan clan of SIX: parents, two girls, and 6 month old twin boys!

Oh what fun at the Evans' compound. (It's a small compound, but we're all very flexible and happy to be together.)

So one more busy week... and then... Summer fun with family!

Life is good.

My Other Blog Started Today!

One of the reasons I haven't been posting a lot here lately is that most of my musings lately have been job related. The District and the teachers have been in contract negotiations for several months.

I've worked in the District for 12 years... and things have changed.

Sometimes I fight... sometimes I leave...sometimes I put my head in the sand and let others fight.

I did some fighting, then applied for a position elsewhere.

Elsewhere hasn't worked out, so I'm back to fighting again.

I'm more of a Problem Solver than I fighter, so in addition to speaking at School Board meetings, I've started a blog: Connect the Dots at LJSD.

It may accomplish something; it may not. One thing it has done is give me an opportunity to try my hand at a new genre: satire.

Check it out. (Or not.)

I have just two weeks left in this school year. Things are closing down smoothly, except I might lose my classroom aide to layoffs. We're a good team, so I would be sad. Things may change over the summer, and she may be back. Time will tell.

Often, our dis-appointments are His-appointments. The song writer put it well, "All the way my Savior leads me. What have I to ask beside?"

I don't have to have all the answers. I just need to do what He has called me to do, one day at a time.

That's what I've been up to.

It's all good.

Happy Saturday Night!

Lasting Love: Happy Chance or Commitment?

Is lasting love the exception, the norm, or even possible?

A week ago Sunday, I came across an insidious quote on My Voice, My View. (I love this blog, follow it, and recommend it. Septembermom makes me think! And it is... Her Voice!)

The quote was from W. Somerset Maugham, an English playwright, novelist and short story writer who died in 1965 at the age of 91.



Here is the quote:

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."

Insidious means "harmful but enticing." It is a lovely quote, written by an accomplished author; however, in the quote I found an untruth that took me decades to identify and disallow. Another way of putting this quote is: "Most people in love, fall out of love, unless they are lucky." Therefore... don't bet on love!



The sentiment behind this quote may be why so many men shy away from saying, "I love you," or commit to a relationship. They've bought Maugham's lie.

Today the leading cause of divorce in America is "Irreconcilable differences!" Or, No happy chance: We grew apart!



"There are many reasons for divorce that lead to the dissolution of a marriage. Reasons for divorce in the past had to show blame for the dissolution of the marriage against one of the spouses. Most states today have “no fault” divorce which means that the reasons for divorce do not have to prove fault by any party. Eighty percent of all divorces are granted on the basis of irreconcilable differences."1

In my mid-twenties I learned to trust God for what the future might hold, even in love. I have learned that lasting love is often the result of nurture, commitment, and compromise. (Lasting love is not a happy chance, but a designed outcome.)



On "My Voice, My View" I offered a comment:

I'll take the role of a contrarian here. It is not by "happy chance" we continue to love a changed person. It is by commitment.

When I was younger, hearing heard such a quote, I was reluctant to love. But I've found that on-going love is a choice, a determination, and a commitment. It is not merely "a chance."

I loved a woman who changed... decayed... and died. Love is... "for better or worse, sickness and in health..." not "if by chance..."

The quote is lovely and even is, perhaps, the majority view. But methinks... it gives too much room for giving up, getting out, and excusing a lack of commitment.



I'm not opposing divorce so much as I am defending love. We all change, and hopefully, we all continue to grow, but in a marriage there is plenty of room for change and growth. In fact, most spouses I know are hoping for that.

I'm not the man I was at 20, 30, 40, or even 50. I've changed. I was "becoming" at 20 what I became at 30, and so on. We fall in love with someone who also is "becoming." Together, we become a "new and improved" couple. We are still in love, not by happy chance, but by a sympathetic, earnest commitment.



Love is possible today and tomorrow. Even with the same person... for decades... for a lifetime... or... until God by death shall separate us.

Just some Monday musings.

PS: Wiki-pedia provides us this paragraph, including another quote, "Maugham's love life was almost never smooth. He once confessed: "I have most loved people who cared little or nothing for me and when people have loved me I have been embarrassed... In order not to hurt their feelings, I have often acted a passion I did not feel.""

Wiki-pedia also notes that Maugham did have a 30-year-relationship, "Haxton continued as Maugham's constant companion for 30 years, until he died in an alcoholics’ ward in a New York hospital. Maugham later placed the following dedication in his 1949 compilation, A Writer’s Notebook: In Loving Memory of My Friend Frederick Gerald Haxton, 1892 -1944." William and Frederick were friends and lovers.

New visitors...

I appreciated the recent visit from Betty. She commented on my last post along these lines:

"Lovely photos! Thank you!
First time here; Your blog is truly interesting!Love it!
Hope you're having a great weekend :)
Betty"

This comment aroused my curiosity, so I meandered over to her blog...

A kindred soul. A Renaissance woman. A fellow philosopher and humorist. How nice.

(I think I found our common link: SeptemberMom. Who had commented on one of Betty's posts regarding Happiness.)

Inspiration is often found in community. Betty's post on happiness led to my free-verse response:


Happiness

is the inward chuckle
inspired by a positive twist,

the half smile
evoked in the presence of beauty, large or small,

and the inner laughter
erupting from a sense of delight.

Happiness is a way of travel.
Happiness is a lens.
Happiness is...



Looking for some inspiration or just some enjoyment... check out her blog.



(These pictures are from the last night of my March get-away to San Clemente. The view from our balcony.)

Travelogue: Dana Point, a Saturday in March

During a weekend trip to San Clemente, my wife and I set out on a short day trip just up the Southern California coast to a town called Dana Point. Named for Richard Dana, author of Two Years Before the Mast, the city boasts a lovely marina. Little did we know that there was a celebration going on: The Festival of the Whales.

Among the festivities of the weekend festival was an event for the fast growing sport of stand up paddling called the Mickey Muñoz Paddle Surf Fiesta. I snapped a few pictures. Just another lovely day in SoCal (in March).

Travelogue: San Clemente -- Friday Night in March

Life is a dance, a balancing act, and a whirlwind. Lately, it seems to have had more of a whirlwind quality about it, especially at work. That's par for the course, but it makes weekend getaways a welcome reprieve.

Last Summer I planned ahead for some weekend trips. (Spontaneity is great, but planning ahead gets you a timeshare on the coast of Southern California.)

March 12th and 13th my wife and I took one of those planned trips. After a quick exit from work and a little packing, we made the easy 45 minute drive south the to a town called San Clemente. We stayed, for the second time, at San Clemente Inn in a timeshare unit. San Clemente Inn is nestled just off the freeway where it shares a back fence with San Clemente State Beach. Some people camp: we timeshare.



We arrived early enough in the evening to enjoy the changing view from our balcony. Over the brush that hides the camping sites of San Clemente, we caught a glimpse of the ocean, the clouds, and the sunset.

Mix in a bottle of wine, good conversation, (and no nagging household chores), and you have the start of our relaxing stay.

Life is a dance, a balancing act, and a whirlwind. This weekend was part of the balancing act. Ahh... come, share the view:

Learning to "vacate" on vacation

One of the things I love about being a teacher is "not teaching", aka vacations!

I spent several decades working 49 to 50 weeks a year, with 8 to 10 extra holidays thrown in. Mostly I worked 8 to 5 type jobs with weekends off. But what we did not have were things like Christmas Vacation, Spring Break, and Summer Vacation.



We were lucky if we got the day after Thanksgiving off, let alone a week around Christmas. In my work unit, those days were doled out on a rotating basis. Each industry is different, as is each country, when it comes to how much vacation one gets.

But when it's vacation time, I was often surprised how long it would take me to "vacate", or leave work behind. It was not unusual for me to take nearly two days to stop thinking about work. It was not unusual for me to start thinking about work again a day or two prior to my return to work.

I wasn't very good at vacating.



I'm better now. Tomorrow I return to work after a week off: Easter vacation came late in our school district, but it came.

Nine months or so prior to this week I reserved a one-bedroom condo/timeshare in Solana Beach, just north of San Diego. That's where I've been. Ahhh...



We left last Saturday about 1 PM for the two hour drive south. Just past the first half hour mark... I was relaxed. I had vacated! (Wow!)

The last month or so has been very busy at work. The school day is generally jam packed. It's loaded with social interactions: teacher-to-students, teacher-to-families, teacher-to-teachers. It's also loaded with meetings, deadlines, reports, and unforseen challenges. The unforseen challenges of the last month left me with little time to enjoy looking forward to vacation. I was swimming hard just to stay afloat. And I did. Barely.



On Thursday night, after a 10 or 12 hour day, I looked at what "needed" to be done before Friday at 3 PM and I decided, "Hmmm... I guess failure is an option."

By end of day Friday I had accomplished the majority of what "needed" to be done. The rest... did. not. get. done. (And no one died.)

Part of vacating has to do with giving myself permission to do less. I recently wrote about being Mr. Good Enough. Interestingly, my daughter recently wrote along a similar vein as a young mom/homemaker/wife.



Leaving the stress behind is a daily skill, not just a vacation-time skill.

I return to work tomorrow. I had one return-to-work bad dream last night. (Not bad.)

During the week I spent some time thinking about the challenges, issues, and priorities of my work. That's normal. That's part of what vacation is too: gaining perspective over the day-to-day routines and recalibrating.



After work on Friday, we went out to dinner. The next day, I washed cars, mowed the lawns, got down suitcases, dropped off the dog, loaded up the car, and headed south.

We had a relaxing week, just the wife and I. We hiked some lagoon trails, visited a museum, shopped at Fresh and Easy for groceries, played gin and cribbage, watched some TV, and talked. We vacated, just about 120 miles away from home.



We got back home yesterday: said, "hello" to the cats, picked up the dog, emptied the car, enjoyed DSL speed, my own shower, and generally just being home.

One of the nice things about a good vacation, is how nice home seems when you get back.

It's good to be home, and it's nice to share a post with my blogging friends. ;-)