Not Wasting Today's Grace on Tomorrow's What-if?

I was taking a bike ride last week with my dog, Heidi -- the German shepherd, in tow. I was a bit blue? depressed? sad? mournful? I couldn't quite find the word, but it wasn't normal.

The promise of spring!

Then the thought struck me, What if this is the new normal?

Several weeks prior, my wife found a lump in her left breast. Doctor's visits and diagnostic procedures kept getting progressively worse... but not terrible. The pre-op biopsy confirmed breast cancer: Stage 1a. A subsequent MRI showed that the tumor was slightly larger, upping the diagnosis to 2a. (A week later, post-surgery results indicated a more likely Stage 2b (over 2 cm with lymph node involvement) That's where we are at right now.

What-if's are rarely true. I've found that if I can imagine it, it's most likely never going to be that scenario. I read a helpful quote recently: "Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future." -- Physicist Niels Bohr

When dealing with potentially life-threatening diseases, it's easiest to what-if in the negative, worst-case direction, but Leslie has done the opposite too: What if this whole ordeal serves as a gigantic wake-up call to better health, a better perspective, and a new and better future? She's already used it to improve several aspects of her life: mentally, emotionally, and relationship-ly. (Yeah, relationship-ly! It works for me.)

After considering "What-if this is the new normal?" I laughed. What-if I had to live life with a 10% mental/emotional cloud? Oh well.

But what-if's seldom come true. In reality, life eventually moves into a new, unanticipated "normal."

Little bits of color on the path.

My oldest daughter Joanna sat with me during Leslie's operation (lumpectomy and removal of lymph glands). We reminisced some of the daunting circumstances surrounding her mother's bout with pancreatic cancer a decade and a half ago. In the midst of that abnormal normal, we had some good times. We ate a lot of meals together. We went on vacations. She did school and sports. We lived life in what was "normal" for us. Looking back, they were extremely trying times, but most of the time, they just felt normal. Each of us in the family did what we had to do to make things work. And it did.

And it will this time too.

"Each day has enough trouble of its own." "His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness." Those two Bible verses helped me create my game plan. Just do today. Don't waste today's mercies (grace, enablement) on tomorrow's what-if's? Many days, we just made it through the day. Most days, we had some fun along the way. Some days were stormier than others, but we made it through to the end of each day. For most of that five and a half year fight with cancer, we didn't know if we'd win or lose, but we fought, one day at a time. Or one hour at a time when things were tough.

In these current circumstances, life still hasn't settled in to the new normal. Tomorrow we meet with the doctor to discuss the pathology reports that came out of the surgery's biopsies. After that, we'll have a better idea of what the new normal for our next stage of this journey might hold. I anticipate a series of new normals... winding roads ahead? That's my guess. So we'll go slow.

Dramatic lighting when looking up!

But for now... Leslie gave me a new name, "Donald Nightingale Evans Jr." That's my job for today. That's a job that I can do, given today's grace, I can be a care-giver.

I'll do my best not to waste today's grace on tomorrow's what-if's. Tomorrow comes with its own gift of grace to be what I need to be when I need to be it. Right now? I'm off to the drug store! Duty calls!



Stay Calm and Carry On my friends. (And thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and support. No one fights alone. And you've all let me know, we. are. not. alone.)

Spring 2014: A Bend in the Road

It's been more than a year and a half since my last blog entry, but now I'm back.

So, what's changed? A bend in the road.

Before the Bend

Normal purposeful stress...

Summer before last, I wrote, "It's all a matter of balancing purposeful stress with  intentional rest which leads to positive personal adaptations.That's the plan. What really happens will be the inevitable dance that happens when plan meets life, but that's half the fun. That's what I call Navigating Through Life!" 

For a year and a half it's been a nice dance. It's been fun.

Last school year (2012/13) went well. All the challenges were in a nice range of do-able, with only the amount of stress that keeps things interesting. 

The summer was also excellent. My grand-kids are now near-by, just two blocks away, so we get to be involved with the Haan clan on a regular basis. My daughter and son-in-law are great parents, so their kids are a joy to be around. It was a good mix of fun, helping out, and being entertained. 

This school year (2013/14) has been excellent as well. Changes at work mean that I'm concentrating my efforts on fewer students. The other teachers miss my help with their under-performers, but district policy has focused my efforts. I've enjoyed the changes. My small groups are smaller, and I'm able to teach writing in a more holistic manner (Writer's Workshop). Lots of good things are happening in my classroom.

The Bend

Found this on a six mile walk... processing the news.

So, what changed? What's the bend in the road? Life is easier when the stresses are purposeful, intentional, and minor. Those can be fun, but it's the unplanned bad stuff that sometimes sucks. 

About five or six weeks ago my wife discovered a lump in her left breast. It turns out that what she felt was just a bit of benign, fibrous tissue, but under that lump lurked a small malignant tumor. And the road turned: breast cancer.

We've been on a journey new to us, but familiar to many. After about ten diagnostic procedures and doctor's visits, surgery (lumpectomy) happened last Thursday, two days ago. Now, my wife is recovering from the surgery. 

I have a new role: nurse and care-giver. I guess it's just a new part of what it means to be a good husband: become what is needed based on what happens when "plan meets life." 

Bends in the road impede vision. But mostly, they require a change in speed, a change in direction, and a new sense of alertness and flexibility. 

Thanks to family and friends... 

That's where I'm at. Part way through the bend. The road doesn't end, it just bends. So what am I doing? Feeding my faith and starving my fears. Taking it a day at a time. Listening to the travel guides (doctors). And trying my best to be a good travel partner to my wife, whose life is traveling down roads that she and I would never have chosen. (We both lost our first spouses to cancer a decade and a half ago.) 

I'm back to blogging because I have some things to muse over. I'm back because, ultimately, I write to figure out what I think about things. I write because I'm hoping that it helps me navigate these bends in the road. And I write to inform fellow travelers that they aren't alone either. 

I saw a pink bumper sticker not long ago that said, "No one fights alone." This is me, not fighting alone. 

Fall 2012: A Retrospective

Well, here it is almost four months since my last post. Time flies when you're having fun. I've been having a lot of fun: one day at a time.

As I reread my last post, I'm elated that my apprehension regarding carrying over good summer habits into fall were misguided. (Or at least unwarranted.)

Credit the fact that my new habits were well instilled by summer's end, or credit my pigheadedness. Either way, my lifestyle has been upgraded to include much better habits of exercise and nutrition.

As August ended, school began. I've begun my fifth year teaching at the elementary level, after having completed 10 years at the 7th/8th grade level. Last year I was involved in completing a Preliminary Administrative Service Credential Program. This year, I'm involved in providing some on-campus support for a new district-provided software program called Illuminate. What I'm mostly involved in at school is being a part of a team that aims to provide a positive educational experience for all students. We make a difference in the lives of our students, and often, in the lives of the families. It's very rewarding work.

I was concerned that work responsibilities would interfere with my running and eating. My work schedule did provide some challenges, but the challenges have been met. I'm still eating five or six meals a day, with a good dose of protein and good fat in each. I'm still limiting my carbs to post-workout meals. I'm still running three or four days a week, including a longer weekend run.

As a result of my lifestyle changes, I've continued to get more fit. The book Younger Next Year has helped me to become younger this year. I've had many comments about my summer transformation into youth. I think it mostly had to do with losing enough overall fat, so that my face thinned out. I also grew my hair out: no longer a buzz. One of the best birthday gifts I got in November was a reading on my scale that put me five pounds under what my driver's license read. One hundred and ninety put me just outside the high end of the healthy range for my age and height. Where I used to have a gut, I now have a waist! Who knew that my goal of running three times a week for 30 minutes would provide such side benefits? I. am. pleasantly. surprised!

I've continued to follow the rules of the Precision Nutrition program, which mostly means I eat well and often. I also get enough sleep. I have a blender at work, and I take a giant salad for lunch each day, with a good slab of meat thrown in (4 to 6 ounces). My main shortcoming has been on my water intake. But if good hydration is my biggest health challenge, then life is good. And it is.

I completed my 10 week running program, and I've begun my next phase: continuing to build endurance without injury. I traded in the annual school pancake breakfast for the school's annual 5K: a Turkey Trot. That was back in early November. I ran a personal best over that distance, and now I've returned to running 3 miles every other day. Because I run various hilly routes, that distance and pace continues to provide the needed stress to trigger positive adaptations: I'm getting fitter. Woo hoo!

All-in-all it's been a great start to the school year. That's how I mark time: Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring. Summer vacation, Thanksgiving vacation, Christmas vacation, and Easter vacation, punctuated with school quarters and on-going responsibilities. A good mix of being productive, being engaged in work and play, plus enjoying family, friends, and projects. Perhaps next I'll write about some Winter goals? (Mostly, I'm hoping to do more of the same! Plus, I'm enjoying the football season on TV.)

I hope you all had a good fall, and I hope that  the winter finds you navigating your journey with a good mix of on-going improvement and good fun!

Happy Thanksgiving!

(Sorry, no pictures. I'm away from my camera and my store of pictures.)

Summer 2012: A Retrospect

CSUF: Arboretum/trail

Looking over my posts since last May, I can see that I've been on a trek towards improved fitness. I've done it a little at a time, and I'm enjoying the journey.

My weight has gone down 11 pounds this summer. I broke the 200 pound barrier. My Calorie King app predicts I'll hit my 187 goal by December. Wouldn't that be nice? (In '08 I once got down to 190, but 187? Haven't seen that since I don't know when. Decades maybe.)

I've got a 10 week plan for running developed that should carry me through October.

I've got a nutrition plan that should be sustainable through the school year. I've upgraded my eating habits.

CSUF: Same plant, up close.

Last summer I did a major decluttering program (FlyLady.com) that has made my home much more pleasant to live in.

This summer I did a major decluttering program that has made my body much more pleasant to live in.

Along the way, I've done a few household projects, done a bit of vacationing, done a lot of BBQing, and done a fair amount of watching grandkids.

All in all? It's been a great summer: a pleasant mix of relaxation, restoration, and being positively engaged in life. I've read some books, run some miles,  watched some TV, and even done a bit of professional development.

CSUF: Up close... same plant.

So now what? The 2012/13 school year begins tomorrow. Summer projects will turn into Fall projects. My projects are all part of my life-time Process Of On-Going Improvement (POOGI); a POOGI that includes being Younger Next Year, which includes training for the endurance event called life. It's all a matter of balancing  purposeful stress with  intentional rest which leads to positive personal adaptations.

That's the plan. What really happens will be the inevitable dance that happens when plan meets life, but that's half the fun. That's what I call Navigating Through Life!

CSUF: Floral eye candy.

Enjoy the voyage!

Nutrition: The backbone of body recomposition?

Bike path at CSUF

The last month has found me enjoying my summer vacation. The weeks have been well balanced with rest, relaxation, interacting with grandkids (and their parents), exercise, and a lot of BBQing.

My running has continued and improved. My last two jogs were of the two mile variety, and I maintained a slow jog through out. One of my goals is to run one half an hour, three days a week. My walk/jog/runs are becoming much more jogging, and a lot less walking. Yeah! (Progress -- slow but sure.)

Two weeks ago I had a nice run, but during the post-run stretch, I overdid it and strained my back! C'mon! I took it easy for a few days, and I'm back (95%). I learned one stretch not to do! (The one I made up!)

Ball field: CSUF -- from right field

The last few days my wife and I have been helping the Haan's with some child care while Joanna, my oldest daughter, was in Montana visiting my youngest daughter, Danielle (her sister). In addition to watching kids and running, I've been learning about how to improve my nutrition in order to cut fat and gain muscle (aka body recomposition).

Since Februrary, I've accomplished some body recomposition as the result of my new habit of running. I've added muscle, especially to my legs. In addition, I'm losing fat. My total weight is down about 8 or 9 pounds, which means I've probably lost at least 10 pounds of fat and gained a couple of pounds of muscle.

Increasing my understanding of nutritional complements my recomposition efforts. I found an online resource in Dr. Barardi and his team at at Precision Nutrition (Pn). Their website provides a wealth of information, while at the same time, they keep it simple.

Softball field: CSUF

My mantra for 2012, "I am in charge of my habits, I let it be easy," fits in well with Pn's philosophy. They emphasize small, but important, incremental changes in habits. It has been said that form follows function, and a lot of what we are physically, is a result of the functions of our lifestyle: sedentary or active, ignorant or informed. Pn tries to help improve our compliance -- habitually doing what you know you should. They do it in baby steps, one new habit at a time.

Some of my best mentors in life have been authors. I think I've found a new mentor over at Precision Nutrition: I call him -- The Doctor. (Perhaps he'll help me enjoy new fitness adventures, a little at a time?)

I'm fine-tuning my eating (and drinking) habits based on what I'm learning. "Slow but sure wins the race, " especially when attempting to change long standing habits of diet and exercise. "Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out!" Turtle on! (That's what I'm doing.)

Running is my friend.

CSUF Blooming Jasmine

Trail running is my friend. It helps release the endorphins and create a calorie deficit for the day. I'm trying to make a habit of burning 500 more calories a day than I eat. That should equate to one pound of fat burned a week.


I'm grateful that I live in a town that has horse/biking/running trails that make it easier to run on trails. I find it so much more interesting and relaxing than running on streets or on a tread mill.

Today I did a 3 1/2 mile trail run. My "runs" are really walk/jog/runs. I generally walk up the steeper hills, then I do a controlled run on the way down. When the ground is mostly flat, I generally just jog, aiming to keep my heart rate at a level of intensity that helps me burn fat.

CSUF Soccer Field

When I started out running in February, I could only run for a minute or two, then walk. Today, for the first mile or so, I actually ran/jogged for about 10 minutes straight. I was pleased. I've built up some stamina, some cardio/vascular capacity. I keep a running diary, and it indicates that on one mile run back in April I logged a 12 minute mile. So that's the time I'll be trying to beat. Perhaps I'll visit a local track so I can log my quarter mile splits.

CSUF Bike Trail

Getting back into shape is a slow process. It took years to descend into my own personal canyon of decreased fitness, and it will take me some time to hike out. But, I'm glad that I'm going in the right direction, and I'm glad for the personal indicators that help me to see progress.

Onward and upward!

Summer Projects?

My daughter Joanna asked me, "So Dad, what summer projects do you have lined up?"

Tennis Courts at CSUF

I paused. My to-do list is very short this summer. With a 10 week summer vacation from teaching, I could, and have done, some pretty substantial multi-day projects in the past. But this summer, my to-do list is kind of puny: wash the dog, fix the sprinklers, repair a window screen, etc. Nothing big there.

Seeing my indecisiveness, Joanna stated the obvious for me: "Well, I guess your big project is your fitness project."

"Oh, yeah. That," I replied, seeing for the first time the elephant in the room.

Water anyone?

I started running back in February as a part of New Year's goal: "I'm in charge of my habits. I let it be easy." I wanted to improve my fitness: endurance, strength, balance, and flexibility. Running was going to be a key component. I hoped to build up to running three days a week, 1/2 hour a day.

Since then, I've established running into a habit. Oh, yeah!

That habit has enabled me to pursue another part of improved fitness: weight loss. Surprisingly, all my running since February really hadn't effected the scale much, although I've done some reshaping: gaining some muscle, and losing some fat... even my face shows it. But the scale hasn't.

I'm very happy with the improved stamina, flexibility, and core strength I've gained, but I decided to readdress the weight issue. At 6 foot tall, 216 pounds was too heavy. Just ask my blood pressure. Since February, I have dropped five pounds, and yesterday's blood pressure was the best it's been in a year, back in the normal range. A pound a month weight loss, while building muscle, is okay, but I wanted to see if I could speed things up a little on the fat loss.

Soccer Stadium at CSUF

"I find it easy to achieve my goals with the help of God and others." That's another one of my affirmations. This time, Joanna supplied a puzzle piece that got me thinking. She said, "Well, they say that if you split the calorie difference, the deficit you want to create, between fewer calories eaten and more expended through exercise, they say you'll lose weight." Hmmm...

Ponderer that I am, I decided to just exercise 500 calories worth a day (3,500 calories a week) which is a pound of fat burned off. In addition to the exercise component, the nutrition part is this:  Eat well: 1750 calories a day, aim for 30% protein, 45% carb, 20% fat, 5% alcohol -- 7 meals a day (250 each) at 7, 9:30, 12, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10.

On the stadium's wall (CSUF)

So does that sound like a summer project or what? Racquetball, yard work, and house work are rounding out the 500 calorie a day deficit project. I use my new Timex heart rate monitor during exercise to capture the calories burnt and a couple of computer Apps to track other parts of the program. Part of my cool down routine is logging the data! 

I'm about a week it to this new experiment, and I'm happy with the results. I maintained my 210 lb. weight for 3 or 4 days, then, after a blip up after some good celebratory eating, I dropped to 208 for two days in a row. That's where I am now.

I've got a plan. I'm working the plan. And I'm having fun doing it. (Summer projects: Don style.)

(The pictures are taken from the iCare 5K race course at CSUF. I ran the race in April with Joanna, then came back later with a camera. Enjoy.)